Most of us have grown up with a strict gender binary: Girls wear lipstick and are polite, and boys like cars and should never cry. Between issues like women not asking for what they need in the workplace or setting boundaries, or men struggling with close friendships and seeing intimacy as a sign of weakness, you can see where these binaries have gotten us into trouble.

Discovering Life Beyond the Binary

Learning about my gender identity didn't hit me like a ton of bricks. Rather, it's been a slow unfolding that I'm still exploring. I've realized that I am non-binary. Maybe a non-binary woman, maybe just a non-binary person. I haven't quite figured that out yet, and I guess it can be fluid.

In case you're wondering, here's a definition of a non-binary person according to the National Center for Transgender Equality: “Some societies–like ours–tend to recognize just two genders, male and female. The idea that there are only two genders is sometimes called a ‘gender binary' because binary means ‘having two parts' (male and female). Therefore, ‘nonbinary' is one term people use to describe genders that don't fall into one of these two categories, male or female.”

As I'm writing this, I'm still processing my identity. I'm not an expert on gender, but I can share my experience, which is what I've always done as a vulnerable writer. It became apparent to me over the last year that although I'm super femme (I love a good pink outfit and lots of glitter), I am not 100 percent a woman. It's about as easy to explain as your own understanding of a higher power or the meaning of life; gender is unique to every non-binary person. My experience is that I feel more like just a person than a lady.

Acknowledging Fear

Realizing I'm an enby (non-binary) has been scary and freeing. Let's talk first about fear.